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 Wikipedia,
“Thanksgiving is a federal holiday in the United States celebrated
on the fourth Thursday of November. The earliest Thanksgiving can
occur is November 22: the latest is November 28”
“On October 3, 1863, President Lincoln issued a proclamation
designating “the last Thursday of November next, as a day of
Thanksgiving.” Civil War/ Primary Source.
“On Thanksgiving, you realize you’re living in a modern world.
Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean
themselves.” George Carlin.
So runs the gambit of Thanksgiving lore and explanations. Heaven
only knows when someone says they are spending Thanksgiving
alone….is that person complaining or bragging?
“May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey plump. May your
potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious and
your pies take the prize. And may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off
your thighs.” Grandpa Jones.
As for me enjoying Thanksgiving…. Set me a plate at the middle of
the table where nobody notices me. Let me scoop a mound of mashed
potatoes on my plate and pour a lake of gravy over it. That’s it. I
will swoon with enjoyment eating those taters. You can have my
turkey. I don’t care if it’s roasted, baked, deep fried or a
turducken. It all tastes bland. Take those sweet potatoes…please.
Withhold the vegetables. No salad necessary. Just let me savor those
gravy ladened potatoes. I could just sit there and hum in happiness.
Add a heaping of stuffing next to my spuds and I’ll break out in a
cowgirl yodel of joy.
I read this joke online, “Every time I go to dinner with my parents,
they constantly argue about mashed potatoes, French fries, rice…. I
always tell them that I’m not choosing sides.”
Years ago, my husband and I were driving in western Iowa. A turkey
flew through our windshield. Many of you will remember the column I
wrote about it. It was a female turkey….an egg filled…. female
turkey. With all the broken eggs, innards, doo doo and such adorning
my head, I was quite the sight. Being slapped in the cheek by both
its shanks, spurs…toes…. whatever… left welts and bruises. My eyes
were full of broken glass from the windshield. An ambulance ride and
ER help was needed. I was never a big lover of turkey but from that
day on…I hate turkeys. Dead. Or. Alive.
Yes, turkeys can fly. That leads me to another memory. Wikipedia,
“Turkeys Away” is the seventh episode of the first season of sitcom
TV series WKRP in Cincinnati. Based on an actual promotion for a
radio station that tossed live turkeys off the back of a truck.
Synopsis: Herb Tarlek; a special turkey giveaway, dropping live
birds from a helicopter outside a busy shopping center with a banner
that reads, ‘Happy Thanksgiving from WKRP’. ..Les Nessman delivers a
dramatic play-by-play of the ill-conceived event at the Pinedale
shopping mall….’like sacs of wet cement…one just went through the
windshield of a parked car. This is terrible, Oh, the humanity! “The
episode was included in TV Guide’s 100 greatest episodes of all
time.” Google it….it’s fun.
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I can literally take it or leave this holiday. That doesn’t mean I
don’t appreciate it and the traditions, family, friends, and food
that surround it. I’m just blessed enough to have so many beautiful
memories that I can put up my feet, pour a glass of wine, stare into
the fireplace and have a momentous kaleidoscope of memories run
through my mind.
Being from Central Illinois, we always run the risk of Mother Nature
blessing us with a gorgeous day, throwing out a blizzard, or hurling
a full-fledged sleet storm. It’s always up to chance till the last
second.
I’m glad we didn’t have social media back in the day to document our
aggravation. Do we keep driving? Do we turn around? Do we hunt for a
motel? Do we just pull over leaving it to the fate of
rock/paper/scissors? As the years went by, and the experiences kept
befalling our November travels, we learned to go with the flow
finally grasping the knowledge…. “Well, this will make a good
story.”
So goes the entire Thanksgiving event. What difference does it make
if that cousin eats all the appetizers and then picks away at the
pie before the meal? It makes for a good story. No one ever goes
hungry. Be thankful that family is with you for another
Thanksgiving! It’s what the day is all about. Be glad it’s not
Christmas and you are eating with the “National Lampoon’s Christmas
Vacation” Griswold’s. Every family has a Cousin Eddie of sorts.
Embrace him but stay away from the sewer.
If you want to try that new recipe for cranberry sauce, do it! My
advice is to also take a can of the sauce. Somebody, somewhere in
the crowd will complain and demand the old standby. Imagine the look
on their face when you reach down into your purse and smugly slam
cranberry slime onto their plate…of course with pizazz and flair.
“What do you call a sad cranberry? A blueberry.” Quote from 7 Can
Soup.
Yep. I’ve been through it all. I’m not bitter. I absolutely love the
memories. I’m advising you to take it all in with humor and
thankfulness of the different personalities around you. Everyone has
made the plans, traveled the miles, organized their time to be with
you.
Absolutely every year someone will proudly proclaim, “If April
showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims!” My
beloved father was the first to tell me back in the ‘50’s. I thought
it hysterical then and will laugh with anyone who has the nerve to
tell it today. Try this overused joke, “Why did Pilgrims sail the
Mayflower? Because there weren’t enough seats on the gravy boat.”
Life is short. Be grateful for the absurd. It will make a good
story.
L. Maxine McQueen may be contacted at
maxmac.1@juno.com
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