|
 “In
life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only
surprise is a day that has none.” Comedian, Joan Rivers.
The other day I got up early to do some grocery shopping. I wanted
to avoid the crowd, hustle and bustle. I just wanted to plod through
the store and get my meager supplies and go on with my day.
I knew as soon as I pulled into the parking lot something was up.
There were too many cars for so early in the morning and our local
radio station van was pulled up to the entrance.
As I walked through the front door, there was a ton of grocery store
staff, radio personnel and civilians milling about. No one was
shopping. Everyone was atwitter with anticipation. I felt dread fill
my soul. What was happening?
As I sauntered through the second empty aisle, my quick mind
determined something was amiss. I young staffer came hopping down
the aisle with concern written all over her face. “Has anyone told
you to be careful and get out of the way?” She questioned me.
“No. Why?” I responded in actual fear. Was I in danger?
Well…...apparently, I was. The grocery store personnel were
frantically trying to get all us “Boomers” out of harms way. There
was going to be someone storming the aisles with two minutes to get
as many groceries in their cart as they could. They then, would be
able to take all those eatables home for free! What a deal.
One had to be nominated by the community, then voted upon by a
committee, then randomly have their name pulled from a lottery of
sorts. They then had two minutes to run amuck throughout the store.
The rules were that they could only grab two identical products and
had to keep moving. They were followed by people pulling extra carts
if needed, others with microphones and cameras documenting every
step and sound. Family and friends ran with them guiding and
cheering them on.
I was instructed to stay away from the meat counter as that space
could become congested and dangerous. I was also told the detergent
aisle and the diapers aisle were considered hazardous as well. I
felt as if I were at the Olympics. What fun! I pulled my cart into a
closed checkout counter lane and stood close by to witness the
phenomena about to present itself.
Unfortunately, some of my fellow Boomers did not feel the same way.
They didn’t want to give way to a race. This was their day, their
time to do their grocery shopping and they wanted to be left alone
to do their weekly chore. They had no inclination to give in to
people that wanted to thwart their routine. The staff pleaded with
them to just give the game a chance and stay safe. Oh. My. Goodness.
I actually heard one old duffer threaten a law suit if he got run
over and mutilated by a shopper on the fly.
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This was going to be exciting! There actually was an ambulance
standing by in the parking lot. It only added to the intensity of
the situation. I was certainly glad I had chosen this day and this
hour to go get my milk and bread. I entertain easily and had not
felt this exhilaration in days. I wasn’t sure where my alliance was;
the poor Boomers that just wanted to be left to themselves or the
pack of elated grocery shopper athletes ready to break through
anything or anybody that kept them from a free steak.
I must admit the first participant was rather disappointing. She was
way too polite…. or perhaps intimidated…and seemed terrorized by the
entire situation. She only acquired about a cart and a half. Good
try but not worth all the hype.
Evidently, I wasn’t the only disillusioned spectator because the
radio announcer proclaimed they would draw another name and let
another participant barrel through the gates. I repositioned myself
in my safe space and set about all agog and chomping at the bit for
more action this time.
For those of you wondering…...still the mighty Boomer warriors gave
no right away to the young upstarts turning their grocery into a
racetrack. They continued to humph their way throughout the store.
This participant had even more people dashing with her. The
politeness was over and the loud cheering and jeering was on. She
was faster and more determined. She knew her aisles, her products,
and her desires. She. Was. Impressive. She threw in steaks, chops,
whole chickens, and only God knows what else. She had an entire cart
of toilet paper. She was on a mission and doing it well. One
couldn’t help but appreciate her style. Staff were gallantly
bringing her empty carts and towing away her loaded buggies. Her
cheering squad’s necks and foreheads were bulging with veins from
their effort. The cameraman had trouble keeping up and the poor
sound guy was left in the back of the pack. It was great!
When the announcement came her two minutes were up, I believe she
was relieved. She had to bend over and put her head between her
legs. She gave a mighty effort. I’m sure it took her all day to
recover. God bless her lil pea pickin’ heart.
Actor Alan Alda, “Laugh at yourself, but don’t ever aim your doubt
at yourself. Be bold. When you embark for strange places, don’t
leave any of yourself safely on shore. Have the nerve to go into
unexplored territory.”
I don’t know who I’m prouder of. The contestants that put it all on
the line for the free groceries or the poor ole duffers that stuck
to their guns and demanded their rights to shop at the time and hour
of their choosing.
“In the grand theater of life, the best scenes are often the
unexpected ones.” Walt Disney.
L. Maxine McQueen
may be contacted at
maxmac.1@juno.com
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