|
 On
July 4, 2025, Mac and I celebrated our 42nd wedding anniversary.
Upon reflection back over the decades, I decided to share some
insights.
In 1983, we started our own business, got married, and blended a
family. My advice is to never, ever, under no circumstance do this.
It’s a blessing God looks out for idiots. What a chaotic choice that
was. We kept thinking in five years everything would calm down. Then
we gave it another five, then another five. You get the idea. We are
wondering if it will be tranquil on our 45th anniversary.
We started out living in Lacon. I commuted to Eureka working for the
Department of Public Aid to supplement Mac in Peru starting our
business. It. Did. Not. Work. Too far apart from the boys and each
other.
Do have your ceremony recorded? We were married outside on the farm.
We meticulously placed microphones in the surrounding trees, bushes,
and flowers. The audio of our wedding sounds like we were married
deep in the African jungles. Birds, squirrels, and other varmints
were much louder than the minister’s words.
Place cameras other than on the bridal couple. We were aghast to see
three of our four boys running on the roof of the corn crib while
pictures were being taken of us as newlyweds.
Speaking of the boys, “The Brady
Bunch” is one of the worst things to ever happen to blended
families. Why in the world do we expect children to accept other
children as their siblings with love and joy? Our boys were 14, 12,
11, and 6. Most blood siblings don’t even like each other at that
point in their lives, yet we take kids from different life
experiences, background, education, and familiarities expecting them
to blend quickly, quietly, and sweetly into one jubilant family. My
advice? Do what we did……..get counseling.
We proceeded to work together for 25 years. People ask how we
managed to do so. We were so busy with the boys, work and living
that sometimes Mac and I literally didn’t get the chance to talk
during the workday. I kept the books; he did the service and we had
our hands full. We went home to boys with homework, school events,
and their problems that we tried to manage.
One of the two of you, better be able to fix a broken toilet. The
other can excel at laundry, yard work, or referee of child disputes
and quarrels. Which one is the best arbitrator for school problems?
Decide who can manage the kids’ sickness. Who has the most patience
and who has the stronger stomach? Realize which one is better in an
emergency and who can tread along endlessly and tirelessly. Both
need to be appreciated. Determine what is one another’s fears. I
tend to get hysterical when a storm approaches. My spouse either
stands on the porch watching God’s mighty power or is known to
literally sleep through a tornado that took out some of the
neighborhood.
Surround yourself with Christian friends that have a tremendous
sense of humor. The only way to get through life is with great faith
and a great sense of humor.
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Keep a sense of competition with one
another but keep it wisely. My Mac and I both love to cook and are
good at it. I was thrilled to be the winner of our cooking contests
until I realized I was the best at preparing each and every meal. It
suddenly occurred to me that I didn’t have the least idea how to
cook breakfast. Realizing his love of the crack of dawn and my
loathing of the early hours, I became incapable of cooking pancakes,
waffles, eggs, or any type of morning food.
Do not build your workplace under a
city water tower. Sometimes they break and their entire content of
thousands and thousands gallons of water will fall upon you. Keep
away from wild turkeys.
Be sure and check out completely any rental vehicle you rent. We
took the boys out of state in a van that literally disintegrated as
we traveled, even with Mac’s mechanical abilities. It was an
unforgettable, unbelievable, seemingly unending vacation.
We drove clunkers for so many years it was embarrassing. Looking
back on it, we had fun just trying to get from Point A to Point B.
There was the car that I had to pop the hood, run to pump the gas
pedal twice, race back and hold a screwdriver between the widget and
the whatchamacallit, slam the hood, get in and drive away before the
engine died. It was quite the accomplishment. Then there was the
morning we walked out and our son’s front bumper was protruding from
the trunk of his car. I still remember the overwhelming fear of
hearing teenage sons say, “Don’t worry, Mom, everything is ok now.”
One of the boys took my mother to visit my sister. I received the
phone call, “Hey, Mom! I think Grandma and I are in Canada and I
don’t know how to get home.”
In conclusion, always remember the
Biblical, “….and this, too, shall pass…..” The good, the bad and the
indifferent. How were we to realize those loud, raucous, wonderful
dinners of trying to teach the boys to quiet down would end so
quickly and we would listen to the clock tick as the two of us eat
together now; the carrying of diesel pumps and turbo chargers would
stop being an everyday task and become impossibly heavy; the
multiple trips for food and substance would go from twice daily to
once a week; that all of us going on bike rides would end with my
knees telling me I must be left behind?
We embraced our age and were thrilled we had one another to build
more adventures and memories.
“A good marriage is like a casserole…..only those responsible for it
really knows what goes in it.” Author unknown.
L. Maxine McQueen may be contacted at
maxmac.1@juno.com |
